Paper Airplane
By Sheyda Beigpour
Have you ever thought of making some changes in you and your life style? There are those times that you become so tired of being you and living your life that you even can't stand doing the same old "everything is gonna be alright" play-act everyday. No matter how hard you try to change this everyday routine, it seems you always end up at the same place you were yesterday, the day before, and wherever you were all your lifetime. Sometimes, you believe you were just wasting your time trying to be better, trying to succeed, to be accepted, to be believed. But you were always just playing the parts they gave you:
Trying to catch the passing time, by crossing out the days on your calendar…
Trying to pass your lifetime until that expected day will come along…
Trying not to be you while it seems that you can’t do anything about it…
Trying to cover your talents and weaknesses in the more popular clothes…
Trying to make others believe you while even you do not believe yourself…
Trying to convince them that you are right, and it doesn’t make any difference if you really are…
You try hard to change your life and everything around you to get rid of the same old routines, but then you realize the real problem with your life is you! And then you’ll definitely be shocked by the fact that all your beliefs, your ideals, and all that you used to call “I”, where just some useless fake idealistic clichés. Right or wrong, it seems you can’t do anything about it. It’s just become so you. You are trapped in a good-looking outside and dark inside heavy package you’ve made of you by all your past, and from inside you can’t see the real world outside. You can’t move it while you are still inside. You are afraid to get out because you don’t know the outer world and what you’re going to look like. You yourself almost hate the whole package, no matter if others like it or not, but is it for sure worse than “nothing”, starting from “zero”? If you are in fact at the minus, would “zero” be a good place to start? You don’t really know it, because you even don’t know where in the world you actually are right now. Once you believed you will change the whole world, but how you thought you would do it while you can’t even change “You”!
Then you wish you could make a paper airplane. No matter how it will look like, you just want it to fly and take you to a far place, very far from where you are standing now. A place where everything is totally different, a new place to start, where you know nothing about that, and no one knows you and what you where before. Only there, you might get rid of others’ prejudices. You believe what people still expect from you as the one you were before will make it almost impossible to change a bit. It is always better to start in a new place than first trying to clean up all that the past painted before.
Then you decide to make that airplane, no matter what will happen, but you need some paper first and the only paper you’ve got is from that package. You should cut it out, but this is the only thing left for you now. It seems that you’ll be nothing without that, and that’s what is frightening. Then you see yourself with a knife in your hand and all your past is in front of you. You realize that it would be better to cut it before it becomes all your future too, before you use that knife to completely destroy your life and yourself. And you decide to do it, no matter what’s going to happen, no matter if you succeed or not, because it’s the only option left for you. This is the one and only price you should pay to see the outside.
Then you’ll put that sharp knife on the walls and push it. And you’ll see a gleam of light shine through the gap…
